Third Time’s A Charm

Am I the only one who just doesn’t care about Ben and J-Lo? I feel like society expects me to be on the edge of my seat holding my breath to see when the grand nuptials will be, when all I really want to do is hold on to the toilet while I puke. She is not even divorced yet and everyone is waiting with anticipation for wedding number three. Don’t get me wrong I do wish them the best; in fact I think they are perfect for each other. After all, she does find him “brilliantly smart”. On a scale if one to ten for most annoying couple, I’d have to rank them a 15 (the previous leaders in this category were Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow; they scored a 14.5).

Believe it or not, once, I actually liked Jennifer Lopez, the actress that is. This newfound J-Lo personality has got to go. Why would you give yourself a moniker that immediately brings to mind the slimy red squishy stuff they feed you in school cafeterias and hospitals? I can’t understand it; it baffles the mind. Her diva act is completely over-rated. I’ll grant you she’s hot, but she is also a colossal pain in the ass. I can’t wait for her number to be up. She is clearly on the path to self-destruction if she is finding inspiration from the “intelligent” musings of the aforementioned Affleck. Some one please introduce her to an English major; hell, even an NBA player. You can’t understand most of them because they never got out of the second grade, but next to smaffleck they look like brain surgeons.

I’ll admit to lusting after Ben Affleck; then, he opened his mouth. Every time you hear him speak, I swear, he sucks out your brain cells. Don’t believe me, watch a 10-minute interview with him and then try to carry on a conversation. I guarantee he’s lowered your IQ at least a dozen points. Personally, I am surprised he could find his way home, much less all the way to California by himself. I wonder if he manages to get lost on sets. Maybe they pay some poor schmuck to point him in the right direction and change his diapers.

Sadly, I actually know people who are counting down to “the very special episode” of Primetime Live this Wednesday because Diane Sawyer is going to “make” J-Lo spill the beans on how Ben proposed. If I were her, I’d make up a story because he’s probably too drunk to remember any way. What do I know; it was probably the most romantic thing ever. Thank goodness I have to wash my cat on Wednesday, so I just won’t have to time to tune in. Be sure to let me know what happens (preferably after the divorce).

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