Bumper Cars

I just switched sides of the city in a recent move, and I am truly astounded by the new drivers I have encountered. I HATE EAST SIDE DRIVERS! For some reason these people feel compelled to tap the brakes at random intervals for no apparent reason. There is no oncoming traffic, no other cars in front of them, and no police on the prowl. What are they doing? Sending me secret messages in Morse Code? Communicating with their home planet? What?

Worse yet, they brake for all intersections whether there is a green light or not. They stop for all signs regardless of what is printed on them. Children at play, must stop. Traffic light ahead, must stop. Entrance to McDonalds; not hungry, must brake anyway, just in case I suddenly change my mind and decide to drive over three lanes of oncoming traffic!

The city is insane too; even the school zone signs flash 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year, so no one knows when to slow down. But, my personal favorite is, they steal your safety zone. If there is 3 feet of space between you and the car in front of you, that is an open invitation to cut you off. And good luck if they encounter a stopped or parked car in the lane they are driving in. They don’t look to see if the other lane is clear; they will just change lanes on top of you, with no directional I might add.

They may all drive their very own shiny new Lexus, but none of these cars are equipped with turn signals. If you do manage to find an elusive vehicle equipped with directionals, they will not be used as a suggestion or a request; they are a forgone conclusion. If you see a blinker, you better look out because a car is coming your way. Most of all, don’t change lanes using your blinker unless you really mean it and you are already in motion because the car behind you has made it his personal mission to change lanes faster than you and if possible, hit your car in the process all while shaving, having a cup of coffee and talking to his office on the cell. But hey, that’s what makes driving so much fun, right? Well, at the very least, it beats the hell out of walking in the snow…

6 Responses to “Bumper Cars”

  1. JLo Says:

    People who think JLo is not pretty are so wrong. she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. SO PRETTY! She’s nice too so boo yall.

  2. Jarvo Says:

    Can someone please tell me why Yanks call “Football” Football. For christ sakes they pick it up, run with it and throw it!!! Soccer is the real football. It’s against the rules to pick it up unless you are the goal keeper and it can only been thrown when it goes off the side of the pitch……FOOTBALL!!!!! What the hell is wrong with you people?!?!?!?!
    Another thing, sidewalk……NO! it’s a pavement. Side walk sounds like Michael Jacksons new dance move. Some of the crap you people come up with is amazing! Sueing McDonald’s for making you fat…..It’s not Mcdonalds that made you fat chubby, it’s the ammount of times you have it per day! “er I’ll have 6 Big Mac’s, 3 Double Cheese burgers, 2 McChicken Sandwiches, 6 Large fries, 3 donuts, a slice of apple pie and a diet coke”! What the hell did you expect to happen, you god damn fools. Another thing…..why are you all exhabitionists, always wanting to be the centre of attention. Sit down and shut the fuck up, no one wants to see your belly bouncing up and down shout U.S.A Let someone else say their piece. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against America or it’s people, but some of the thing you do are ludicrous (not the rapper). Come on think about it! :)

  3. LORD LUTHER Says:

    LOOK JARVO YOU LITTLE DINK, WHERE ARE YOU FROM? GUARANTEE IT IS A COUNTRY THAT OWES ITS CURRENT FREEDOM TO THE MIGHT, SPIRIT, AND COURAGE OF THE UNITED STATE OF AMERICA. OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HOW WE RESCUED THE WORLD IN WORLD WAR II???? SO IF WE WANT TO CALL SOME THINGS ‘SOCCER’ AND OTHERS ‘FOOTBALL,’ I BELIEVE WE HAVE EARNED THAT RIGHT. SHUT YOUR YAP, AND CRAWL ON BACK TO YOUR LITTLE THIRD-WORLD PROTECTORATE. WE’LL BE OVER HERE IN THE LAND OF FREEDOM.

    GOD BLESS AMERICA

  4. LORD LUTHER Says:

    I FIGURED YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THE BALLS TO RESPOND TO ME JARVO, YOU LITTLE PUKE. I THINK YOU KNOW I AM CORRECT.

    LORD LUTHER,
    AMERICAN PATRIOT

  5. Doug Reed Says:

    Looks like Jarvo and “Lord” (whatever!) Luther are both idiots!

  6. GODS MESSENGER Says:

    Lord Luther, Jarvo, Doug. I think we should try a little harder to get along, don’tyou think? “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving on another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4: 31-32)