Trick or Treat

Well, it is Halloween again, and I have stocked up on entirely too much candy after having run out last year. I severely underestimated the amount of people trick-or-treating in our new neighborhood, but I am more than sufficiently armed for this year’s batch of kiddies. No more handing out pop tarts, quarters, IOU’s and pecan spinwheels. I even considered taking a lesson from my beloved Jim Rome and doling out cough drops to satisfy the large mobs of children young and old at my door last year. Good weather really brings em out I guess. This year, it will be all candy all evening, unless of course I eat it all this afternoon.

One thing that bothers me. Is it parents with their own bags, 18 year olds in costume hitting my house multiple times, van loads of kids being dropped off at my doorstep? No. Well, ok maybe a little, but mostly it is that smug hateful look parents give you when they pimp their 6 month old out for candy and you give the kid raisins or a dum-dum pop because that is the only thing that kid has a snowballs chance in hell of eating. Then they want to cop an attitude or look down on me? What the crap? I realize if you have several small children at home you are going to have to bring them all out and the kids all want their own bag, so I have no problem with small trick-or-treaters. Similarly, I understand when you have your first child you are excited about the prospect of dressing it up and taking it out to show off. No problem here. But when you cross over into pathetic, ungrateful territory because you don’t like raisins and your kid can’t eat candy, it is simply time to get off my porch.

Last year when I started running low on candy I went and got some wrapped items from my pantry including full size packs of my favorite gum. I also had money and anything else I could find on hand because I had not antisipated the van loads of children who would be driving up into my neighborhood. Anyway, for the extremely small trick-or-treaters, I started passing out raisins, by extremely small I mean 2 and under. This man who parked in front of my driveway came back to my house and returned the raisins out of his daughter’s bag saying he didn’t eat raisins. I said, funny they weren’t for you, they were for your daughter. To which he informed me that at 18 months old, she was too young for any of the treats in her bag. And I guess since he had returned the raisins he might have been right. At any rate, I still love Halloween and especially the looks of joy on the children’s face when they see their favorite candy or cash being thrown into their bags. Which reminds me when did kids start going door to door with Hefty bags? Whatever happened to good old plastic jack-o-lanterns? This year I am hoping people remember the fun and excitement of Halloween and free candy, but if you are an ungrateful adult, here is a thought. Get a job, and then you can afford to go out and buy yourself a bag of your favorite candy, sit down in front of the TV and eat the whole bag by yourself whilst staying far away from me. A special tip: stores, especially Target, mark all of their Halloween candy at least 50% off tomorrow, so you can save me the trouble and get twice as much bang for your buck if you simply stay home tonight and stuff your ungrateful face into oblivion tomorrow.

One Response to “Trick or Treat”

  1. Weezie Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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