I’m an ass, now let’s discuss why…

Weezie and I have a deal; she gets to post on Greys because thats her thing. I am sure we will be hearing from her a little later in regards to last nights episode, but I am going to hold off on my comments until after she gets a chance to post. You know she is gainfully employed; Im just doing housework. There is one thing I cant hold off on however. After last nights episode I am going to push my love of Happy Bunny aside. From now on instead of quoting, Hey you just made me throw up a little, I am going to have to go with I think I going to McPuke. Thanks George, you made my week again.
For those of you who know me, you know how surprisingly often that statement comes up in conversation, so it was nice of the folks at Greys to throw me a little age appropriate variety.

Speaking of age appropriate, you all know how much I love Zach Braff and Scrubs. When his movie Garden State came out, I recommended his blog to you. I dont know how many of you took my advice, but Weezie did. This morning she emailed me because A) shes got a job and lets face it, she was up first B) Zach also has several jobs and doesnt get to update his site very often, so when he does we try to get the word out C) this latest installment might make you pee a little in your pants. If you dont adore this man, you should. He gives voice to the stupidest, sickest, most insanely inappropriate thoughts in your head and even better he makes you laugh. He is a genuinely nice guy who is completely over the top and still manages to make me feel that he shares in my insanity. Oh screw it, he is juvenile, over the top, and downright silly which makes him perfect in my book. So check him out if you want a laugh. As a bonus for those of you who read it, in my house our “newscasters” are otherwise known as either Natty Dumpos (for those with a love of literature) or Poopasaurus Rex (for those with a love of Ross). So now you are either laughing, disgusted, or trying to fiigure out what the fuck I’m talking about or maybe a little of all three. I told you to read it.

Now on to my Captain Negativity part of the postHonestly, is there anyone outside of Michelle Kwan and the employees of NBC who gives a crap about the Olympics? How much longer until they are over? I cant take it anymore even my soap operas were pre-empted. Repeats, no Veronica, no Earl, no Office, no Scrubs, just constant teasing with ads telling us we should be watching them. Yeah, I know, so hurry up already. I admit I have tuned in for a few things, but all kidding aside, it seems like a lot of Americas athletes really dont care about being there. I am sure it is just the media over hyping things as usual. I have to laugh when they try to do interviews after some of the events. Half of the participants (assuming they speak English) dont want to be bothered and blow them off, the other half are so amazed by their own wonderfulness and achievement that they hardly notice the questions, they are just going on and on about how great they are. Where is the sense of decorum? They should all be forced to take lessons from Apollo Anton Ohno who is well spoken in times of great achievement and in times of disappointment or failure. Why cant people just say, just this once, so and so was better than I? Why does it always have to be because your lace broke or your hair was pulled too tight or the sun was shining or you had bad eggs for breakfast or you forgot your lucky charm? You hardly ever hear, I tried my best, but today just wasnt my day. So and so did a great job and I look forward to kicking her ass next time. Instead it usually sounds like, I am the best athlete in the world. I amaze myself. Today the fates conspired against me and I had soggy pudding for dessert, so it was impossible for me to do my best and so at the last moment this inexperienced amateur took advantage of my misfortune and stole my rightful medal; therefore, I refuse to acknowledge defeat and will lessen my opponents achievements at every turn in an effort to make myself appear more talented than I actually am.” Heres a thought, maybe fate is trying to something or in this case, Happy Bunny, you suck and thats sad. For your next trick perhaps you could parlay your pathetic career into a job as a color commentator. Underachievers like you should ban together and point out the flaws in others as todays athletes execute maneuvers you never even dreamed of accomplishing. I am so sick of hearing the stupid color commentary especially from Dick Button and Sandra Bezic. I am forced to mute their opinions or I might just have to board a plane, fly to Turin, and punch them right in the face. By the way in case you missed it, NBC clarified the Turin/Torino debate. Apparently, Dick Ebersol likes the way Torino rolls trippingly off the tongue, so we owe it all to him. And as my favorite, Bob Costas, so eloquently put it, he signs my checks so Torino it is.

14 Responses to “I’m an ass, now let’s discuss why…”

  1. Emilie Says:

    I have been asked to comment on the many topics o’ conversation mentioned, so here goes. First, when in the hell are the Olympics going to be done? I mean seriously, haven’t we suffered enough? Everbody knows that the summer Olympics are where it’s at…there are men in Speedo’s swimming and nothing (and I do mean nothing) compares to a swimmer’s body. They have preempted every stinking show and I am now forced to watch things I don’t like. I could turn off the TV, but let’s face it, not going to happen. Why did Veronica Mars fans have to suffer too? It isn’t on NBC, yet still no new shows for weeks…I am pissed and the UPN is about two shakes away from loosing another valuable customer. Face it, they can’t afford to lose another one.
    Something else I have to say. I broke my cell phone on Friday and freaked out, but replacing it was even worse. I regret to report that I will not be able to keep my first child because I had to sell it so I could by a stinking phone, the cheapest Verizon had, for $149.00. I hope they rot in hell. When I called to get the remaining ringtones I had not yet downloaded, the “customer service representative” informed me that they would give me credit after my bill comes for downloading 6 ringtones but to please remember that this is a one-time courtesy to me. Courtesy my ass! You are just giving me what is mine and already paid for. Thank you very much.
    What else pisses me off. So many things. I will have to talk about them later. Amy, keep up the super duper hilarious and thought provoking posts. Carol, you are my idol and continuously make me laugh. You girls are my grammatical hero’s. The posts are always well written, with perfect grammar, and a large vocabulary.

  2. Aimee Says:

    Down with Verizon. They suck!!! If you want, I can resurrect the banishment section from the old version of this site and add them to the list. Bastards. But if they get you pissed and snarky enough to post here, I have to give them credit for something. Bastards.

    As for our grammar, I can’t speak for Carol, but with words like poopasaurus, where can you go wrong? Seriously?

    Wouldn’t it be cool if there was an element of surprise to the Olympics, screw results. I want an assault crew. Figure Skaters who take revenge on ignorant commentators by slashing their faces with the blades on their skates. Druken Bode beating some guy who dared to call him a disappointment over the head with his ski pole. Throwing some random spectators on the skeleton and watching them scream for their lives. Ok, maybe not, but it beats the crap out of reruns and Dancing with the Stars.

  3. Weezie Says:

    Hey…Emilie and I both say you just better watch it when it comes to Dancing with the Stars…I know, how seriously sad is it that we actually sometimes watch?! Not religiously, mind you, but when there’s nothing else, what can you do? Lisa Rinna was robbed!!!

  4. Aimee Says:

    That is all you have to say about my entire rant? Defending Dancing with the Stars? I admit it might have been a poor choice, I was going with Celebrity Fit Club, but for some reason the word celebrity just didn’t look right, so instead of looking it up in the dictionary, I just changed to a show that was easier to spell. Now you know my secret shame. Lisa Rinna was robbed hence my angry jab and my surprise at your defense of such a clearly rigged show. That aside, can I get a shout out on something? Holler!

  5. Weezie Says:

    Sorry…I had to do a quick post between meetings! Who the hell do they think they are? Making me work…don’t they know they are supposed to be paying me to eat chocolate and play on the computer all day??? More later when I get a break from work…

  6. Emilie Says:

    Okay, I watch both Celebrity Fit Club and Dancing with the Stars. First, Lisa Rinna was robbed. That is all, just plain robbed…they probably deserve a jab just for that. As for Celebrity Fit Club, come on it tears at the heart strings, yet fails to completely motivate, fat people such as myself. Jeff Conaway returned in true overly dramatic form and it was so cheesy it was great. I love those kids, they try so hard and are doing so well. It really is compelling television.

  7. Aimee Says:

    I heart Jeff Conaway and am truly sorry I missed both his meltdown and triumphant return. I heard it made for great television. What about American Idol, can I make fun of it? I love Project Runway, Made, and the Girls Next Door so I can’t think of any other shows to take a jab at and I really thought the folks at Dancing with the Stars needed some snark since they seem to only love Stacey (who has a dance background mind you). They suck. The voters suck. That is all.

  8. Weezie Says:

    That’s what I’m saying–yes, Stacey is supremely talented, but she’s been dancing since she could freaking walk. That’s just not fair. Plus, it’s fun when someone either rises to the occasion and learns something they didn’t ever think they could do, or if they are just really bad. It just makes me mad when the judges tell someone, “Look, I’m sorry, you just don’t have it…” then the moronic American public votes for them just for that reason; not because they did the best job. Isn’t that the way it is with everything, though?
    Oh, wow! I heart Made too!!! I love when they make plain little wallflower girls into smokin’ hot prom queens and pageant girls! Makes me cry every time…
    I really super hate American Idol…so over it–I was before the first season ended!!!

  9. Emilie Says:

    Okay, I super heart Made too. It is so awesome! I want to be Made into a great tennis player. I can picture it now… Emilie you have to loose 100 lbs. before we begin so get your ass moving. I also heart True Life, some of those people are unbelievable, some are awesome. I hate to rag on Jerry Rice, but home dude is not improving and needs to move out. I mean come on. At least Lisa Rinna was improving. I’m just sayin’.
    By the way, back to the original rant, and the McPuke comment, I always like to tell people “A little bit, that made me throw up in my mouth.” The offender usually apologizes and moves on, it is great.

  10. Administrator Says:

    Robbed? Are you sure those lips didn’t distract the judges.

  11. Weezie Says:

    Nothing like beating a dead horse, but I watched the first few minutes of Soap Talk last night and Lisa Rinna was crying…I’m so glad I missed the results show when she was eliminated b/c it totally would have made me cry. Anyway, she was so cute and so gracious, and it made me sad that she got cut. Regardless, she did a great job and should be proud of herself. I’m not even going to comment on her lips, but I will say that she has got a smokin’ hot body–I wish I had her figure. I didn’t realize how muscular she is until she was wearing all those skimpy costumes. Must be nice to look like that…
    Meanwhile, Emilie, I cannot believe you said, “Move over McDreamy, here comes McSteamy…” I mean, McSteamy’s hot and all, but nothing even remotely close to my sweet little McDreamy. He is just so pretty; and I love the way he talks…(sigh)
    P.S. Zach Braff makes me laugh until I cry…”I’m always looking for ways to be on after Moesha!”

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