Aimee

First there is Aimee.

Baby AimeeAimee

Popular aliases: Scooter, Pookie (thanks, Dad), Amos (thanks aunt Dort), Aimee Joy (no that is not my middle name!), Snuggle Bunny (aw), and my old school favorites-chipmunk (props to Bryan Jurkofsky for that moniker in honor of my super fuzzy tan ear muffs) and chicken wing (a big shout out to Scott Lankford for appropriately naming my bad ’80′s hair do).

I am from Montgomery, AL originally; however, I now reside in the quiet suburbs of C-town basking away the days on the shores of Lake Erie. I say that now, but ask me again when we’ve had 50 straight days of gray hell, and I promise I will not be so rosy.

I am the last of 8, yes I said 8, children. My mother and father had 7 kids in 10 years. Then they took a nice long vacation and popped me out 10 1/2 years later. I don’t know whether to love love ‘em or to hate ‘em. Yes we are Catholic. Yes, I spent 12 years in Catholic school. Yes, Catholic girls are overrated and given bad raps or reps, whatever.

My oldest brother turns the big 50 this year. Ha Ha, gotcha, bro!

I have 28 nieces and nephews, 2 great nieces, a great nephew and 2 more on the way. I have no kids of my own, but I am “hopelessly devoted” to my nephew Jarrod. He was born on my 13th birthday, and will always be the best present I have ever received. He means the world to me even if he didn’t think so when I left him behind and moved to Cleveland.

I have been an aunt since I was 1 and thus have no memories of not being called aunt Aimee.

Carol and I grew up together. We went to the same grade school and college but missed out on going to high school together. Damn the 4 year age gap!

I have been “all nerd hag” for the past 12 years and Mrs. Nerd Hag for the past 6.

I am a Hell-Ay kinda girl in a “New York state of mind” stuck in the ho-hum suburbs of the Mid-West.

I live in the “great” state of Ohio or denial depending on who you ask.

We have 3 cats, 2 cars, no kids and a partridge in a pear tree (no it’s not Danny Bonaduce, but wouldn’t it be cool if it was?)

I am a girly girl, but I still manage to wear the pants in the family, so to speak. I love sports. I listen to Jim Rome. I’m even in charge of getting both of the cars serviced. Wait why’d I get married again? Just kidding, Taine. He totally cleans the litter box!

My favorite food is chicken. My mom says I could eat at Chick-fil-a every day. Honestly, I probably could; if there was one closer to my house. Damn, it’s good.

My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. What could be better than food and family especially when you consider half of us don’t even speak to each other the remaining 364 days of the year?

I learned to ride a bike at age 26 and got my first car at age 27, but in my defense, I did move half way across the country at age 21 with only $1000 to my name, no house, no job, and no clue what I was gonna do. But I made it! Take that asshole family members!

I am a shameless flirt and some might say a bit of an egomaniac. Ok, bit might be a tiny understatement.

I wrote a book about my adventures in high school called “Lipstick on the Milk Container”. It is not published, but it is hysterical in retrospect. If you don’t believe me, ask my college dorm mates.

Did I mention I am allergic to milk?

I am writing a play I hope will be both witty and poignant. If I ever finish it, you will be the first to know.

Currently, my life revolves around Veronica Mars. It has previously revolved around Alias, Friends, The Pretender, and countless other shows dating back to The Donny and Marie Show.

My first love was Andy Gibb. Ok, maybe it wasn’t love as much as a childhood crush, but I honestly thought I would grow up and marry him. You can imagine how devastated I was when he died.

My first hero was my brother Vince. I spent all my waking hours wishing I was teenage boy. He was the epitome of cool at least to a 6 year old. I guess that explains a few things.

My first action hero was Wonder Woman and I have the underoos to prove it, but SheRa came in a close second!

If I could do anything I wanted, I would be a spy, but that is just my overactive imagination kicking in.

Speaking of overactive imaginations, I used to convince Weezie and her little sister there was a place called “Magicland” in their light fixture and only I could go there. I also convinced them all my teeth would fall out if I hung upside down off the side of the bed and they didn’t pull me up. Suckers! I guess in their defense, I should point out they were like 5 and 3 at the time. Still, it was hysterically funny and kinda still is actually.

Not surprisingly, Carol and I are always getting in trouble for doing something stupid. Half of the time we weren’t doing anything at all! Present or not, there is always a way to blame everything that goes wrong in our family on one or both of us. It is like Six Degrees of Separation; how can we make this their fault?

Well, that is basically everything anyone could ever want to know about me with a little somethin’ extra thrown in for good measure. Now go get back what is left of the rest of your life and quit lurking here!

Seriously, go…