Random Thoughts

I have a lot to talk about today because I have been oh so out of touch lately. Our hard drive is fried, so I had to break out my trusty laptop to upload this. I am so tempted to make fun of the Oscars as they play out over my shoulder especially since Selma Hayek just referred to someone as an Oscar “weiner”, but alas, I have a list of topics as long as my arm to get to, so no dice. Get ready, I don’t call this site Random Thoughts for nothin’.

First off I must confess, I watch commercials, not because I want to, but because I have to. I haven’t gotten into the whole TiVo craze and I primarily watch my favorite shows live including the oh so awful ads. Some of the fan groups I belong to actually keep lists of the shows’ advertisers to encourage members to patronize those responsible for keeping our favorites on the air. At any rate, I have to give props to a few of my favorites. At present, I am loving the Ice Breakers commercial. In spite of featuring the Duff sisters, it manages to catch my attention by busting out Joey err Joseph Lawrence and his famous Blossom tag line, “Whoa!”. If that one doesn’t tickle your fancy, perhaps I can jiggle your maternal instinct or at least the kid in you with Walt Disney World’s newest offering featuring the cutest little boy giggling, “We’re too excited to sleep”. In keeping with my general life theme of never being satisfied, I guess I should balance out the cosmos by jeering a few of the worst offerings. If you had asked me a year ago if the words “what the hell happened to Jared” would ever cross my lips, you would have recieved a firm “no”. Unfortunately, I uttered those very words in response to Subway’s sandwich toppings auditions spot airing lately. Apparently they thought Burger King’s lame ass Super Bowl ad was fantastic and decided to clone it. Ring, ring…clue phone…they both suck, or in the words of Dennis Haysbert from SNL last night, they are a “steaming bowl of elephant piss”. As crappy ads go, you can’t beat Crest White Strips’ current installment featuring this flighty bitch asking us to guess her age by giving us stupid ass clues like whether or not she saw Cher in concert alone or with Sonny. The icing on the proverbial cake is her asking us if we think she had a crush on TV star Ralph Macchio. Um, last time I checked he was best known as the Karate Kid which is a MOVIE not a fucking TV show. Go back a little farther and you probably can remember him from The Outsiders, but again it is a MOVIE! Just sayin’. The absolute worst offering however goes to our friends at Cialis. Not only have the named the infrequent side effect of 4 hour erections, they have also managed to list delayed back pain as a medicinal side effect as well. Um actually, that is nature’s way of telling your old ass there are some things you shouldn’t be doing, or at least not whining about. I mean what out of shape over 25 year old doesn’t experience delayed back pain as a result of intercourse? Again, just sayin’. If that wasn’t enough, their newest ad features a pair of grandparents holding hands and heading upstairs to get busy when suddenly, ding dong, grandkids calling. The voiceover assures us Cialis last up to 36 hours so Grandpa can hang on to his boner until the grandkids are safely back at home and he finally gets that precious alone time with Grandma. Here’s hoping that 4 hour erection side effect doesn’t apply in this case or there are going to be a lot of questions from the kids on the swingset.

Ok, totally OTS, but Paula Abdul flies Southwest? WTF?

How’s that for a segue? Actually I think I am going to throw in the towel for tonight. Weezie interrupted my train of thought and distracted me for with laughs for at least a half an hour. We had to do something; the Oscars were boring us silly, at least they are almost over. Reese won, so all is right in my world. Grey’s will be back on next week. Besides, what fun is playing all of your cards at once? A good writer always leaves his audience wanting more. So until tomorrow…

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 5th, 2006 at 11:11 pm and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.