Random Thoughts

I just switched sides of the city in a recent move, and I am truly astounded by the new drivers I have encountered. I HATE EAST SIDE DRIVERS! For some reason these people feel compelled to tap the brakes at random intervals for no apparent reason. There is no oncoming traffic, no other cars in front of them, and no police on the prowl. What are they doing? Sending me secret messages in Morse Code? Communicating with their home planet? What?

Worse yet, they brake for all intersections whether there is a green light or not. They stop for all signs regardless of what is printed on them. Children at play, must stop. Traffic light ahead, must stop. Entrance to McDonalds; not hungry, must brake anyway, just in case I suddenly change my mind and decide to drive over three lanes of oncoming traffic!

The city is insane too; even the school zone signs flash 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year, so no one knows when to slow down. But, my personal favorite is, they steal your safety zone. If there is 3 feet of space between you and the car in front of you, that is an open invitation to cut you off. And good luck if they encounter a stopped or parked car in the lane they are driving in. They don’t look to see if the other lane is clear; they will just change lanes on top of you, with no directional I might add.

They may all drive their very own shiny new Lexus, but none of these cars are equipped with turn signals. If you do manage to find an elusive vehicle equipped with directionals, they will not be used as a suggestion or a request; they are a forgone conclusion. If you see a blinker, you better look out because a car is coming your way. Most of all, don’t change lanes using your blinker unless you really mean it and you are already in motion because the car behind you has made it his personal mission to change lanes faster than you and if possible, hit your car in the process all while shaving, having a cup of coffee and talking to his office on the cell. But hey, that’s what makes driving so much fun, right? Well, at the very least, it beats the hell out of walking in the snow…

I heard this thing on the radio yesterday. This guy emailed the station and said that over the weekend, he and his girlfriend had gone out to dinner, and while they were there, they sat next to a couple with a baby. Well, at some point during the meal, the child needed to be changed, so the woman put the kid on the table and proceeded to change the baby right there ON THE TABLE in front of everyone! The guy said that he asked her to please take the child to the restroom to be changed because it was pretty gross for her to be changing the baby on the table in the middle of everyone else’s meal. She told him that when he had kids and matured, he would understand.
Now, does this have anything to do with maturity?! I’m appalled, I’m truly appalled. AND, this happened in Auburn, so I’m wondering what restaurant it was because I’m not too excited about eating there at the table where a woman decided to change her kid’s dirty diaper. The guy said it was dirty, not just wet. How nasty is that? Is this something that a lot of people do? Am I the one who’s out of line? I don’t think so. Look, if maturity requires that I find it OK to change a baby’s diaper on a table amongst my chips and salsa in a public restaurant where people are eating, then let me never be mature.

I couldn’t help myself, I had to nominate him for making this whole Spike Lee versus Spike TV nonsense just a little more fun.

You know, I would like to write about something other than the Three Stooges, but I just can’t get away from it. The stories keep getting more and more absurd. Now, Catherine Donkers’ husband, Brad Barnhill, is claiming his religious beliefs made her do it. He is asking the court to be placed on trial in place of her because his religious belief puts him in charge of her and her actions.

Seriously, what? Could you run that by me again? Your religious beliefs instructed you to “command” your wife to put her life and the life of your child in jeopardy by breastfeeding while she was driving? You might convince me to buy that arguement as the reason she didn’t pull over initially, but on the grounds of safety not religion. Please explain to me what interpretation of faith mandates whipping it out and feeding your child while operating heavy machinery. Furthermore, the idea that you expect the law to entertain this asinine request is not only an insult to the justice system; it is an insult to your intelligence, assuming of course, you actually possess some.

This couple continues to amaze me. Guys, let it go. You made a mistake. Pay your fine and get on with your lives. Try not to needlessly endanger your child any further. But stop opening your mouths! Every time either one of you speaks, you look more and more like complete freaks. With statements like, “It is not against the law,” “Your state has no authority over me,” “I directed her not to stop,” and “God made me tell her to do it because I command her,” you are both one step away from getting branded as part of some wacko militia group. In fact, I have already read internet speculation of the sort. If you want to continue to ignore all aspects of rational thought, be my guest. Just know, this arguement is clearly not working for you.

P.S. Catherine and Brad appeared on Good Morning America this morning. The message boards there have not been kind.

I am the happiest woman alive. I cry out with glee. Spike Jones, Jr who I don’t know and have never met is my newest hero. He has decided to weigh in on Spike Lee’s ridiculous lawsuit against TNN to stop the network from changing its name to Spike TV. Mr. Jones calls Spike Lee’s attempts to claim exclusive rights to the name Spike “frightening“. I call it hysterical. Either way, let the games begin…

P.S. Props to Carol’s friend, Evan, for the latest scoop

Ok, this will be a really short post comparitively, but I had to give Spike Lee the props he is due. I was watching my local news last night and a commercial for the “new” TNN came on. There was Kid Rock and Pam Anderson still looking lovey (guess they shot that before the breakup), and Kelsey Grammar with Gary the Rat, and all the other new “stars” of the network. All I could think of was Spike Lee and how hysterically funny it was that he got his wish. I saw them and thought of him. I now equate bad tv with the likes of Spike Lee. Oh wait, that wasn’t Spike’s wish, was it? That was TNN’s wish. Or was it? Maybe this whole thing was an elaborate ruse to resurrect the careers of a dying network and a played out film director.

Since we are on the subject of frivolous lawsuits, thank you for reading my little site. Glad you found something here that pissed you off. Did your husband “direct” you to visit here, or did your tiny little ego cause you to go searching for your name on the internet? Either way, thanks for making my day. Just knowing you are unhappy makes me proud. Although I probably wouldn’t have expressed my feelings in exactly the same way as Carol did, I do agree with her. Thanks also for the lesson in Michigan state law, I’ll be sure not to visit there any time soon. Too bad you can’t do my state the same courtesy. Most of all, thanks for proving our point.

Fast food is addictive? The next thing I know, you’re gonna try and tell me it is bad for me too. What is with people and endless lawsuits? Now we need signs on the doors of Burger King and Taco Bell to tell us we are addicted to fat and cholesterol? Aren’t our giant lard asses proof enough. I really don’t need to be reminded everytime I make a fast food run.

I am so tired of people trying to protect me from my vices. They are vices because they are not good for you. I don’t need you to sue Oreos, or Burger King or anyone else on my behalf. If I want to eat too much or drink too much or smoke too much or do anything too much, I should be able to (provided I don’t cause physical injury to anyone other than myself).

We are bombarded with daily reminders our country is the most obese on the planet and John Banzhaf’s demands make us look like the stupidest as well. I thought we hit a new low suing fast food restaurants over hot coffee, then we sued them because they made us fat. Now he wants to sue them because we can’t stop eating at them? Where does it end?

Honestly, what isn’t addicting? There’s shopping, and drinking and smoking and drugs and pills and driving and eating and sex and millions of other things even the news can be addicting. Once we label the contents of the world as addicting, then what? Would this rid us of disease and unhealthy lifestyles? No, so what is the point of his case? Publicity? Notoriety? Stupidity? Clearly, it isn’t the betterment of mankind.

Catherine Donkers, the woman who was breastfeeding her baby while driving. Not only did she put her baby in danger, but everyone else who was on the road with her. AND, what if she’d had an accident? When the airbag went off and killed her kid, she’d be suing the manufacturer and we would all be expected to feel sorry that some stupid wench woman killed her baby. Oh, and don’t forget her equally stupid husband.

OK, I’ve been stockpiling things to rant about, so get ready. My first question is, what is so difficult about lights on when raining? In Alabama during the summer, often there are thunderstorms that pop-up every afternoon, or we experience a drought and it doesn’t rain again until December. Anyway, the past couple of weeks, we’ve had scattered afternoon thunderstorms every day, and I meet people constantly who do not have their lights on. I want to know why people refuse to turn on their headlights in blinding rain. Let me tell you something, when it’s pouring, I can’t see you if you don’t have on your lights. Also, because we are in Alabama, there are a number of cars riding around that are “painted” in nothing but gray primer. If you are one of the people driving one of those cars, I DEFINITELY can’t see you in the rain. There’s supposed to be a state law that says lights on when raining, but apparently they don’t enforce it. Maybe the good ol’ MPD should be waiting to pull over these people the way they go after people who are speeding. No lights is just as hazardous as someone who is driving 20 mph over the speed limit. And, there are SO many without lights, you’d have your pick of any asshole on the road to pullover.
Secondly, Spike Lee, you suck. When I first heard about SpikeTV, I thought of 1) A dog, and 2) a mohawk. Also, when they said the first network for men, I thought, “What about the 800 variations of ESPN, Fox Sports, Discovery Wings, etc.?” Never did I think of Spike Lee until I heard about the commotion he and his moronic cohorts had started. You know what, Spike? I think you are full of crap. You needed some free publicity, and now you’ve got it.
Third, to Catherine Donkers, the woman who was breast feeding her kid while she was driving, your child should be taken away from you. If you are that stupid, trust me, your child would benefit from being given to parents who won’t teach her to be as moronic as you and your husband obviously are. Some people are too stupid to procreate, and you and your husband top that list!

OK, I feel better now…