Random Thoughts

When I first heard of SpikeTV, I thought, LAME, really, really LAME, but I never thought of Spike Lee. Then I heard of Spike’s lawsuit, so I asked friends, family, and co-workers what they thought of when I said “SpikeTV”. I got a myriad of responses, but not one had even an inkling to do with Spike Lee. Everyone seemed very surprised when I explained why I was asking. Still, I tried to remain quiet and let justice sort this one out, but clearly justice has lost its mind.

This really bugs me. Suddenly Spike Lee has decided any use of the word “spike” clearly must be in reference to him? Are you kidding me? Adjust your ego down a peg. You are an Academy Award winning director, no one, not even an ignorant redneck is going to see Stripperella, Gary the Rat, and the WWE and say, “Wow, Spike Lee really sank to a new low when he decided to televise this crap”. One of two things will happen, most of us will do the intelligent thing and change the channel, the rest will continue killing brain cells sucking in the mindless junk, but neither group is going to be thinking of Spike Lee.

I could understand his objections if he actually had been trying to start his own network named SpikeTV to show marathons of his movies 24 hours a day 7 days a week, but the fact that he objects solely on the basis that people will associate his name with garbage programming is absurd. What is worse is State Supreme Court Justice Walter Tolub didn’t laugh his ass right out of court; he is allowing a trial to progress in spite of common sense, other uses of the word within the English language, the network’s list of other famous “Spikes”, and the fact that this Spike’s actual name is Shelton. However, he has ordered Spike Lee to post a $500,000 bond to cover damages to the network just in case he doesn’t get the legal slam dunk he expects.

To help prove his point, Spike recruited the ever reliable and costar of The 25th Hour, Edward Norton (whose judgment is clearly impeccable), and former Democratic Presidential Candidate and NBA legend Bill Bradley (again who doesn’t trust this guy’s judgment, after all, he was elected President…err…wait, no, no I guess that didn’t work out, did it?). Both of these men are prepared to testify when they first heard of SpikeTV they thought Spike Lee was affiliated with the network. Try not to be so forthcoming about your ineptitude gentlemen.

The ironic part about this whole lawsuit is, it has insured whenever I hear SpikeTV mentioned, I will forevermore associate it with Spike Lee. The only person he has to blame for this is himself. Gone are the days of thinking he was an incredible director, a visionary storyteller, now I will see him as he never wanted me to, as a prop in a media game designed to get me interested in a fledgling network. No matter what the outcome of the trial is TNN is the winner.

First things first, don’t get me started on the Clinton’s. Trust me, if you want the truth, Hilary’s book is not the place to look. Stand strong, fight the evil demon urge, and don’t read the book. It is just a mass media campaign trying to break you by making you think you care; but I know you, you don’t. Please at least promise me if you do break down and read the book, you won’t actually PAY for it. Get on the waiting list at your local library and check it out instead. Don’t contribute to the madness.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say is props to the Mathur Law Offices in Dallas, TX for booting that freakshow Rob Campos, the “star” of NBC’s “hit” summer “reality” show, For Love or Money. I have only witnessed maybe a total of 5 minutes of this trainwreck, but believe me, it was enough.

A couple of days ago before the proverbial “sh*t hit the fan”, I saw a clip featuring him on Entertainment Tonight. They had asked him to make a video about a day in his life. All I can say is, never trust a single man (particularly a straight single man) with a bathroom theme. He totally gave me the creeps! And who actually thinks he is hot? He looks like he bathed in grease, and I feel like I need a shower just looking at him (think Antonio Banderas only uglier). Gross.

You know, when I first heard about the show, I actually felt sorry for Rob, thinking he came to the table honestly and these whores were out to screw him. Then I saw him and worse yet, he opened his mouth. Now all I can say is go get him sisters, and if one of you is stupid enough to pick him over the money, MAY GOD HELP YOU!

I just love watching fate take care of life’s little assholes. Now everyone in America knows Rob is a jobless, greasy, egotistical, weirdo with issues, and thankfully all the women with brains have gotten a big, giant warning beforehand. Now, if he ever does get another date, she will truly deserve him.

Aimee emailed these to me, and I thought they were quite suitable for use on our page.

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man & worships his creator.” – John Bright

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” -Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” – Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” – Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” – Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.” – Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” – James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

By the way, I just have to mention the popularity of Hillary Clinton’s new book. From what I understand, it’s broken all these records for sales and such. I must admit, my sick curiosity has me slightly interested, but I just don’t think I could bring myself to read her book. You KNOW the only reason people are buying it is because they want to know what she has to say about Monica Lewinsky and any other scandalous material they can find. No one cares about anything she has to say about politics or real issues. It’s all about the sex. Meanwhile, Katie Couric was badgering her this morning on the Today Show, trying to find out if she will change her mind about running for president in 2004. She told Katie that she didn’t know how many different ways she could keep saying NO. I thought that was pretty funny. Then of course, she wanted to know about 2008. I’m thinking, “Please, do you even know what you are going to be doing or where you are going to be in 2008?” Of course not. Then, all I could think about was the fact that she and Bill probably sat down at the table and wrote the book together. They have to keep themselves in the spotlight at all costs, don’t they? Well, I wish they’d disappear because I really don’t care.

I hate to be the bitch, ok that’s not true, but sometimes, I just can’t help myself. There is a couple here in C-town who recently returned from their honeymoon. They had the time of their life, riding high on the adrenaline rush of their wedding a month ago, and they have the pictures to prove it. Or so they thought.

Our happy couple took their cherished photos to the local Walgreens’ One Hour Photo, and sadly, the machine malfunctioned and their photos were lost. I do feel terrible about this, and I can relate. I once once lost an entire semester’s worth of film because of a darkroom error by my classmate, but what I can’t understand is their reaction.

Walgreens’ policy when something like this happens (as it is bound to given the millions of rolls of film they develop each year) is to replace the damaged roll of film. They also have a $250 insurance policy to compensate people who experience the disappointment of losing their precious moments, but that is not enough for this couple. They expect Walgreens to refund the entire cost of their honeymoon. Say what?

Did you not go on the trip? Do you not have memories? You said you had the time of your life and that the experience could never be replaced, so even if they refunded the cost of the trip, you still wouldn’t be able to recreate the excitement of the original photos.

Pictures are meant to be a reminder, a memory jogger, to bring back old times, but they can’t replace your memories of the experience. Cherish what you and your husband still have, a trip like no other you will ever take, and a special moment you both share that no one can ever take away from you. Bottom line, face facts, Walgreens is being more than fair about the accident with your photos. You have to accept that life throws us all curveballs every now and then, so stop pouting and get on with your new life. Make a scrap book with what you do have, or write a journal while the trip is still fresh in your mind. Just remember, next time you do something special, TAKE MORE THAN ONE ROLL OF FILM!

You know you would swerve to hit a rat if it was in your path, don’t lie…

Speaking of people who are bad in the morning, today was the first day of “Summer Hours” at my office. They claim it is a really nice benefit because we are able to leave at 1pm on Friday, BUT we have to come in at 8:30 am everyday, which is torture. I appreciate being able to leave early, but couldn’t we work until 5:30pm instead of having to be here at the crack of dawn? They might as well prop me up with a stick, so I can function. Not to mention, it is hard to be motivated to come in early when my department has to take turns leaving early becuase it is our busiest time of the year. Everyone else has a slower pace, but we are fielding calls from total morons all day long. People who shouldn’t be allowed to procreate for fear of their stupidity spreading. Yet, I am supposed to be perky and help them figure out what their name and telephone number is. Ah, well, such is the nature of life. Back to work…

After reading Aimee’s most recent entry, I really thought I was going to be sick. For those of you who know me, you know the incredible fear and disgust I experience when it comes to rodents of any kind. I am the one who screams, “Tree Rat! Tree Rat!” when a squirrel scurries (that word even creeps me out) by. My friends from Huntingdon College know what it’s like to walk across campus and to hear the rustling of leaves and the crackling of tree limbs as those disgusting little rats scurry all around you. It’s like they are coming to get you. It creeps me out just thinking about it! I went on a couple of dates with a guy who had a pet squirrel…too weird for me. We were at a party at his house, and he had it out and it jumped on my friend’s head. I thought she would die; I thought I would die for her. Aimee talked about opossums…those really are one of THE most disgusting life forms I have ever seen. I try to avoid hitting them just because the idea of my car touching them makes me sick. So, I’m wondering, what is the purpose of all of these aforementioned animals? They are not cute, they carry diseases, and they make me sick. Of course, I must also print my disclaimer that no animals were harmed or will be harmed by me purposely. I will try my best to avoid hitting them with my car for two reasons: I don’t want to kill anything, and I don’t want rat guts on my car!

P.S. I hate morning radio personalities! I spent 15 of my 20 minute drive to work this morning flipping through all 8 channels which were playing nothing but talk and my “favorite” overplayed song by Three Doors Down. By the time I got to work, I was on the verge of screaming, “Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!!!!!” Those who know me and love me are aware of my charming personality first thing in the morning, so you know I’m serious when I say I was just about to lose it.

At the end of his show every Friday, Mister Rogers always said, we would go away for the weekend and have so many things to talk about when we returned on Monday. Although I didn’t technically “go away”, I was busy fighting stupidity all weekend, the morons at Wal-mart (the boycott is back on), the (sorry mom) shitty little kids on my street, the hair colorong fiasco I endured, and last but not least, my screaming lunatic neighbor. None of these things, however, prompted me to write today. What really got me out of bed and on the keyboard are those little punk squirrels wreaking havoc on my backyard.

Why aren’t we allowed to shoot them? They are nothing more than socially acceptable rats. Seriously, is it all about the tail? Just because they have a big bushy tail, that makes them ok? We torture rats, performing experiments on them, feeding them poison, or worse yet killing them in a trap, yet squirrels run free. Why is that?

I believe it is a conspiracy by the United States Government. I believe this country is overrun by a giant rodent problem and because there is nothing we can about it, the government indoctrinates us as children to like and accept them. I can recall being told to look at the “cute little squirrel”, but when it came to rats, we have to “kill all the disgusting little things”. Well, big things I am from Alabama. They have mutant rats running around down there, and opossums, another glorified rodent.

Have you ever seen one of these little beady-eyed monsters of the night? They are dreadful. Truly, seeing one on a dark street will give you nightmares for the rest of your life. Yet opossums show up in children’s books, you never hear about cute little friendly RATS! Could it be opossums are socially acceptable because rednecks eat them, squirrels, too? Rats are seldom eaten and if they are it is only out of sheer desperation.

Don’t think I am advocating we all cozy up to rats, no, no. I just wish we could all come to a clear understanding. Squirrels are disgusting, not cute, and it should be acceptable to use any means necessary to rid your yard of them and their little friends-chipmunks, opossums, and the giant flying socially acceptable rat, the pigeon.

The preceding message has been an expression of my true feelings regarding yard rodents; however no animals were injured in the writing of this blog. All squirrels etc. running free in my yard are and shall remain unharmed by me. If the neighbor cat wants to take matters into his own hands, don’t count on me to do anything to stop it, but don’t e-mail me with a bunch of PETA crap. I am not an animal hater; I simply speak the truth as I see it. Well, not the part about the governmental conspiracy, that part was a joke.

You should definitely get the CD player in your car fixed, the half hour of commercials that airs after every other radio song would drive me straight to the repair shop! Now I know what to get you for your birthday. While we are at it, why is there so much (f-bob removed because my mom just got a computer) talking on radio these days? With CD’s and MP3’s you would think the stations would try and shut up to compete. I realize there are actually some people who enjoy(?) the endless droning of radio personalities, but really who are these losers?

The people in Charlotte, NC are the luckiest people in the whole country. They get boy band, Kelly Clarkson free radio with no DJ’s and very few commercial interruptions. Sure, they lose out on the call in contests and they can’t ask the DJ to play their favorite song, but they don’t need to. It is already playing on the radio. I was in the area for just over a week and I never heard the same song twice. I was actually able to hear DIFFERENT songs by the same artist, even better from different time periods of their careers. How hard is it for a radio station to do that? Apparently, it’s extremely difficult.

For the life of me, I can not understand how the radio stations here can have flashback to the 80’s every weekend and only play the same 20 songs. I used to think it was a fun, great way to reminisce, but now that I have heard “Love Shack” by the B-52’s nine hundred and fifteen times since noon, I can’t help but wonder if there were any other artists recording music during the 80’s. I am sure if they think back long enough, they will remember a few others.

You know, every now and then, I get called by a local research company wanting to find out what I listen to on the radio. The person on the other end of the line is always aghast when I can’t name a single morning show personality. I refuse to listen to their constant droning; I simply don’t tune in. I actually had a lady argue with me last summer when I told her, “if I hear Sheryl Crow’s ‘Soak Up the Sun’ one more time, I was going to start taking hostages”. She said to me, “You don’t like that song? Everybody loves that song”, maybe the first 1000 times we heard it.

Add “Landslide” by the Dixie Chicks on there, too. First of all, any person attempting to remake that song should be shot on sight. Even if I did like the song or the Dixie Chicks, I am certain they have recorded at least one other song stations could play. So why is it every time I turn on the radio, that song is playing, often on multiple stations? Why can’t they ever play “So Alive” by Love & Rockets? Why is the only Black Crowes tune the stations can remember, “She Talks to Angels”? What happened to “Remedy”or “Jealous Again”? Why are they always playing Tom Cochrane’s “Life is a Highway” when I drive through West Virginia? Why did Hootie and the Blowfish get a recording contract? Was it to torture me, FOREVER? I can’t get away from that crap. And lastly, why is there no station playing John Tesh’s greatest hits 24 hours a day because I really dig the theme to the NBA on NBC?

It is settled then, Carol and I will start saving our money and by the time we are 80, we will have enough to start the most incredibly bitchin’ radio station the nursing home has ever seen!

I’m here! Aimee and I have been trying to decide what to write about all day long, and as it turns out, we aren’t too creative when we think about it too much. So, we have decided to go to the original idea which sparked this partnership in the first place. She and I have been on this whole “list kick” over the past week, and we’ve chosen as our new topic of conversation “songs that are played on the radio entirely too much”. Now, I know I have quite a list of those because the radio stations here seem to be playing the same 5-10 songs every hour, then they start all over again. There have been so many great songs out there that I’ve really liked originally, but by the time radio is through with them, I want to die every time I hear them on the radio. My latest one is that song by Three Doors Down, When I’m Gone. Look, I have 8 preset stations on my radio, and sometimes when I’m flipping through the stations (which I do constantly–thank God for the little button on my steering wheel) that song will be on 3-4 of the stations. It makes me think I’m losing my mind! Another one is Clocks by Coldplay. Let me just say that I LOVE Coldplay A LOT, but suddenly this song is on all the time and it is so not even their best one! A few weeks ago, you couldn’t have paid me to change the station when that song was on, but now I do because I know it will be on the next station anyway. Then of course there is anything by Justin Timberlake or any of those boy band people. Don’t even get me started on that one. Then there are some songs that I don’t even know, but they are on all the time and they sucked the first time I heard them so I changed the station and that is why I still don’t know the names of them. But, let me tell you, I know them when I hear them because, once again, they are ALWAYS on!!! Oh! I just thought of another one– Jenny from the Block. Look, we all know that J-Lo is anything but(t) Jenny from the block, OK? Her and her ruby encrusted toilet seat nonsense… please…
All I have to say is thank God for Pearl Jam. Yes, there are those few songs from Ten that radio stations still play too much, but the REALLY good stuff is on the CD’s and you don’t have to worry about getting sick of them because they don’t play them very much. Maybe I should get the CD player in my car fixed…

Starting tomorrow, this website will have a new co-author. She is someone who has been a long time contributor to this site as well as my life, my dear friend, Carol. I am pleased to invite her to join with me to blog away our troubles (and maybe a few of yours). Together we plan to continue to share our thoughts about this crazy world with you.

We intend to maintain the current format of writing on subjects that irritate, agitate, inspire, and/or motivate us, but with the addition of a second opinion on the topics and hopefully a little dose of humor. We don’t always agree with each other, but we do always know exactly what the other is thinking. As an added bonus, she can make me say anything that is on my mind, even when it is not very nice. My mother would be so proud.

Hopefully this new edition will keep me on my toes and help me remain interested and motivated to write here more often. She can even cover for me when I go on vacation or when I am just too damn lazy to type (which is more often than I should probably admit). All this from 900 miles away! I hope you will all enjoy hearing her thoughts as much as I do, and I promise to get a picture of her loaded up soon. Don’t look at me like that, I know you’re curious…