Random Thoughts

Please launch an all out assault on FX’s new drama The Shield (airing Tuesday nights at 10pm, check your local listings)! It is the best thing to happen to television in years. Michael Chiklis is incredible; he can play a total ass and still have you cheering for him week after week. If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and tune in. Trust me, you’ll have to keep reminding yourself Vic Mackey is the anti-hero, but you won’t be sorry you tuned in.

Unless, of course, you are a member of the notorious watchdog group the Parent’s Television Council. In their infinite wisdom, they have decided to target the advertisers of The Shield (airing Tuesday nights at 10pm) and try to get them to yank their ads from the “offensive” program. How about this for a solution, change the channel. If you don’t like a program, no one is going to make you watch it. This is America. I know, I know, you’re only doing this for the safety of your children. Well, take a parenting class, because if you don’t know what your children are doing at 10 o’clock on a school night, boycotting a television program is the least of your worries. Try watching tv together or better yet, read a book. This show doesn’t air at 4 in the afternoon or even at 7 in the evening, it isn’t on network television, YOU HAVE TO PAY TO GET STATION! If it offends you, don’t subscribe, or better yet keep your cable and delete the station from your television. It is really very simple.

As an American, I have a right to watch or not watch whatever I want. And, as a cable subscriber, I have a reasonable expectation that the programming I subscribe to will be of a different calibre than network television; otherwise, I wouldn’t have to pay to get it. Because I value the freedoms of this country, I also believe the Parent’s Television Council has a right to protest whatever they want whether they are right or not. In fact, I hope they do. Ratings are down this week and we could use a little free publicity (it worked for Married, With Children). Please don’t let us fade into obscurity, protest loudly and often, preferrably on Nightly News and Entertainment Tonight. We can use all the viewers you can bring us. I’ll even dedicate another rant to you when The Shield gets renewed…Until then, happy protesting, may your little ingrates thank you for it someday.

Okay, you got me; I like Fear Factor. The show can be gross at times, but it is addicting. I’ll start off by admitting, I will eat almost anything for $50,000, but you better guarantee my ass is going home with a prize. Where do they find these idiots who are willing to eat buffalo testicles and pig uteruses for a CHANCE at $50 grand? Are you kidding me? You don’t even know what you have to do the next day; it could be something you’re not even willing to attempt!

What’s up with $50 grand anyway? They have millions of dollars to give away on every stinking episode of the Weakest Link and those retards can’t even remember to say “bank” and earn some of it. At least invest that money in some pure sport. Give it to these insane people who are willing to humiliate themselves on national television for a shot at a crappy prize.

There’s one girl in particular who stands out in my mind as probably THE biggest loser they had on the show. She was 4th in line to play skee ball. Whatever score she rolled was how many pig uteruses she had to eat. The three contestants before her had tried and failed to eat theirs, so all she had to do was eat hers, and she was guaranteed $25,000. I might have agreed with her if she’d said, “no way that’s just too gross”, but she ate three of them before she quit, and SHE WAS GUARANTEED $25,000! Since no one completed the challenge, all four of them got to come back the next day and attempt the final stunt for a chance at the other $25,000. Lucky for her, she actually managed to win that day. But wouldn’t you feel stupid if you could’ve had twice as much money if you’d just gone ahead and finished eating the pig uterus? Worse yet, what if she hadn’t won at all? Then, all she’d have is a stomach full of the three pig uteruses she did eat and absolutely nothing to show for it.

As for Joe Rogan, he’s such an jerk, but I love him. Though, I do have to wonder how no one has kicked his ass for being such a prick. Not cussing him out would be my hardest task on the show. I will say I did gain respect for him when he ate the hissing cockroach from Madagascar on the celebrity episode. That proves he is not just spouting off, he actually has the balls to attempt the stunts. The most important thing to remember, though, is HE’S GETTING PAID.

One last thing, I feel it is important for me to go on record stating, I do not, repeat do not, think I could win on Fear Factor. If the stars were alligned just right, and the stunts were ideal, and the other contestants were wimps, maybe, just maybe, I’ve got a shot at winning. Honestly, most of what I see I wouldn’t even attempt for a chance at winning a MILLION dollars, so the chances of me walking away victorious are slim at best. For now, I’ll just keep tuning in Monday nights to see the stupid among us vie for their 15 minutes of infamy.

Ah, spring is in the air, time once again for the home opener at Jacobs Field and the annual protests by our Native American friends and supporters. They believe Chief Wahoo is a caricature of an Indian and negatively represents their people. They are right. You should have seen the old Chief Wahoo; he was nothing short of the devil. I want to side with them on this issue, but I won’t because they don’t pick their battles wisely. In their zest for political correctness and equality, these groups have gone against numerous major athletic programs in the nation. Even the teams with non-stereotypical mascots have been targeted. The Seminoles, The Redskins, The Braves, The Reds, all of them brought into this debate because their names refer in some way to the Indian culture or because their fans partake in the Tomahawk Chop as a rallying cry. I can see their point, but where does it end? If we go after everything that is offensive to someone nothing would be left. The redneck white men would protest they are being unfairly represented by the Cowboys. Next it’s the Mariners, the Patriots and the Wizards. Pretty soon the Ravens will be protesting their association with backstabbing traitors.

I know what you’re going to say, I am part of middle-class white America and I can’t possibly understand. You might be right, but I do know one thing, everyone can not be happy because then we would lose sight of what happy is; and if you are going to protest something, at least have a course of action prepared. You see, the thing that bothers me most about this is, if the Cleveland Indians management went outside the ballpark today and said, ok we agree not to have Chief Wahoo anymore, what would you like in his place? No one would know what to say because they haven’t thought it out that far. They don’t even believe they can win. In fact, they only schedule protests for opening day and during the playoffs because of the media attention on these days. Occasionally, you will see individuals who choose to protest during the regular season, but it’s usually one guy with a sign. He is the guy I want to side with. The man who truly believes in his cause and is not just riding on the band wagon because he can. He has a cause and whether he wins or not, he is making his voice heard. That is what America is all about.

I am sick of it! Everywhere I go, it’s: do you want fries with that; what about the sweater on page 73; do you want this gift wrapped; wouldn’t you rather have a $10 glass of wine, it’s our feature? If I order 8 whoppers, 1 whopper junior, 6 cokes, 3 sprites and 9 orders of fries, that is exactly what I want. I don’t need an apple pie or an oreo cookie pie or even a supersize drink! If I order a glass of the house merlot, I do not want a glass of your very special wine feature that you have surely already wasted enough of my time describing. How about listening to me and giving me what I ordered. These things are bad enough, but at least they are the phrases some poor sap is being forced by his or her manager to say.

Now the credit card companies are on to it. “You didn’t sign up for credit guard the last 3000 times we called, wrote or e-mailed you about it. Are you really SURE you want to pass up this great benefit”? YES I AM! I say it to you now. I know what I want and I don’t need any help deciding. This is particularly annoying when I am forced to deal with it when I call to activate a card or have an account question. I called Discover last week to complain and they actually had the nerve to offer me a really great rate on a balance transfer or I could enroll in credit guard! Thank you very much, but were you listening to me when I said your customer service stinks and I want to close my card. Obviously not. Hence the complaint.

My friend tells me this type of selling works; it must, but not on me. It just pisses me off. Clearly though, the world is populated by morons which is why this practice works. Case in point: I was at Pizza Hut Saturday evening and this lady comes in with her little son. He is running around the restaurant going from table to table screaming “I want to ee” (apparently this means eat, later I discover pp means pizza). He is old enough to say eat pizza and nothing is wrong with him (developmentally any way), but his mother perpetuates this talk by using it herself when talking to him. She asks the waitress for the lunch buffet which the waitress explains is only for lunch and only Monday through Friday from 11am-2pm (keep in mind, this is Saturday evening around 7:30pm). This woman actually asks the waitress, “So when are you gonna set up the buffet”? I swear to god, I don’t know how the waitress didn’t say, around 11 on Monday, but she humored her. After explaining it 3 more times, the woman finally decided to have a personal pan pizza, but she continued to allow her son to run all over the restuarant including into the kitchen. Finally the chef comes out and explains that she is going to have to control her son because it is dangerous (not to mention annoying) for him to be in the kitchen. Her solution to this problem was to scream out her child’s name as loud as possible using different inflections (ie MAL ik, mal IK, MULEEEK, MA lik, ma LIK). This did not solve the problem, and I am willing to bet she does need some one to ask her if she wants fries with that or she’d never know what to order.

I can’t believe I still watch this show!! I mean, my friend refers to it as a steaming pile of dog crap, and he’s right. It is. Yet, every week I tune in just in case the PTB have decided to restore it to its former glory. It was the perfect example of an excellent modern sci-fi. Now its just Pasadena for the future. They got rid of two of the best elements: Lydecker and their “very special guest star” Nana Visitor (of Star Trek fame). In their place, we’ve gotten a strange but somewhat intriguing breeding cult, a dog-man (a-la Beauty and the Beast), the ever mysterious “father”, and last but not least, a disease specifically targeted to Logan’s DNA. I would have an easier time fearing the disease if they hadn’t already cured Logan of it twice; after last night I am just wondering why they don’t get it on while dog-boy is giving Logan a transfusion. Why wouldn’t that work?? Dogs like to watch people get it on anyway. So what gives?

There’s no fun, no suspense and no drama left in it; it’s just limping around with no direction. I’ll grant you, it isn’t easy keeping a show interesting when the main character is being hunted and not doing a very good job of hiding out in post-apocalyptic Seattle. I mean, she does follow a daily routine; she lives, works, and drinks at the same place everyday, and these morons haven’t found her yet? No one has trouble finding Alec there, but then when he eventually escapes suddenly everyone seems to mysteriously forget where they found him in the first place. Wouldn’t the show make more sense if she were actually ON the run. She and Logan could communicate only by phone, thus eliminating the need for that ridiculous disease. And one last thing, if the breeding cult knows about Sandeman (aka father) and dog-boy was able to find his old house with very little trouble, why doesn’t Ames know where to find them? I mean, if he’s that stupid, shouldn’t he be in a mental hospital somewhere eating from a tube?

At least Jessica Alba found a boyfriend on the set because this show isn’t gonna help her career any, especially not now. I don’t care if James Cameron is a part of it. He’s directing the series (er, I mean, season) finale this year, so let’s just hope it blows our socks off. Or this show will forever remain in the preverbial crapper. Note to James Cameron- tv-show: good; letting show turn into crap while your name still attached: bad. Think first, make movies later.

I am truly perplexed by the media’s distortion of the child molestation scandal surrounding our nation’s Catholic priests. Certainly I will concede there are bad priest, some of whom are child molestors, some maybe even worse, but to imply celibacy has something to do with this problem is absurd. I could accept that arguement if there were no child molestors found in society outside of the Church, but there is a continuing threat to our children from others including their fathers, grandfathers, teachers, coaches, and the list goes on an on. This is a dispicable, dastardly crime, but it has nothing to do with how much sex you have; it has to do with the actions of a very sick mind. I think it is important to remember we can trust priests and religious. Just because some individual priests are guilty of unspeakable crimes does not mean we should condemn an entire group of people or their religion. Child molestors can be found hiding under the guise of many different religions, yet the media is on a war path against the Catholic Church and her priests. Surely, things could have been handled differently, and they probably should have been, but to call out an entire Church for the actions of a few of members and or leaders is nothing short of a witch hunt.

I feel for all the people ripped apart by this horrible crime and certainly cry with them for justice, but there are good people with integrity who have given their lives in the service of others that need to be remebered as well. We must never forget them. I wish the best for the man who has decided to sue the Vatican as well as the Pope for his justice, but I have to wonder, would he feel any better if his suit against the Church as an institution succeeds? Will it make his pain go away? I know he needs closure by facing the man, in this case also the priest, who violated him, but that is where his justice can be truly found. The Church is not his enemy; his pain and that priest who caused his pain are the enemy.

I had the most remarkable opportunity this past Holy Thursday. My congregation was addressed by a young woman who had the courage to stand before all of us and speak of her horror and just how dark and alone she felt after being molested by her parish priest. She found her peace in the strength of her family, by facing her tormentor, and eventually (after much deliberation) by turning back to her faith. She is greatful to have come out the other side of this life altering experience with her faith intact. It was a long and painful journey, but she is one of the greatest inspirations of my life. What remarkable courage. I know not everyone will be able to make that same journey, and I wish all the victims strength, peace, hope, and happiness. We owe it to them to fight the true enemy and protect all our children from their pain.

Aren’t there people dying of AIDS and breast cancer? I thought Sharon Stone was SOOO concerned about the lives of people facing these diseases that she didn’t have time to work on other projects. Yet, in a ploy to promote herself and her new movie, she has found time to take pot shots at Gwyneth Paltrow. What is wrong with this woman? Can’t she take a joke? She certainly married one. Where does she get off criticizing Gwyneth for referring to her husband as “creepy?” First of all, he is creepy, among other things. Hasn’t she looked at him lately? Second of all, it was a skit on Saturday Night Live! Why doesn’t she get a life, and focus on her precious husband’s failing health? What a bitch! Personally, I can’t wait to watch this episode of Celebrity Death Match; I hope Gwyneth kicks her whiny little ass into next week. Does this woman actually believe that we buy her crap? “The director tricked me into taking off my panties for Basic Instinct; I didn’t know you could see anything until I saw the movie.” So, you are trying to tell us you are THAT stupid? Hello? Is anybody in there? She has already proved she lost her box office draw with her major flop, Gloria. If anyone does go see The Muse, it certainly won’t be because she is in it; it will be because Albert Brooks’ name is on it. Wake up Sharon, you are old, and you are over! Pretty, young, TALENTED women like Gwyneth Paltrow rule the box office. Stop taking yourself so seriously, and learn to take a joke! At least Gwyneth was on a satirical late night program, and not trying to show off to sell a magazine! Do the world a favor Sharon; you and your creepy husband move to an island, and please don’t procreate!!!

An Ohio pharmacist is reportedly suing the K-mart Corporation for firing her 3 years ago because she refused to fill a prescription for a drug that could cause an abortion. I have strong person religious convictions, and I do not support legalized murder. However, I do not believe that a pharmacist working for a major corporation has the right to refuse to fill a customer’s prescription. If her objection was that strong, she should have removed herself from the company, and opened her own limited pharmacy (which probably couldn’t sell condoms either). She did not know for sure what the drug was being prescribed for, and it was not her place to ask. A pharmacist should only question a prescription if it is illegible, appears fraudulent, could be lethal in combination with other drugs the patient is taking, or it is for an unusually large amount of medication. Morals should not enter into it. A pharmacist should never question a legal drug for a legal practice. If you want to show your disapproval, form a chain or camp out and say the rosary at nine a.m. like all the other freaks, but do it on your own time, not at your place of business. Jump off the gravy train sister. If you didn’t have a lawsuit three years ago when your ass got kicked out of K-mart, you don’t have one now. Get a life, and get out of mine. I hope the judge kicks you out on your ass where you belong. I’ll say a rosary for you.

I understand the public’s fascination with celebrities and have my own collection of star photos that I cherish. I enjoy celebrity t.v. and even gossip when I hear a juicy tidbit. But, I am disgusted by our willingness to tolerate media harassment of celebrities’ families after they have endured great tragedies. I am aware that the public is hungry for knowledge, and I acknowledge we want to hear about newsworthy events in celebrities lives’. Of course, death is a major news occurrence; and we are all curious; but do we really need see Ethel Kennedy receiving Holy Communion at a service for her missing nephew; or William Shatner weeping outside his home after the death of his wife? Can’t we just let the facts and the mindless speculations of the media analysts satisfy our desires? I can not understand why news makers must provide us play by play accounts of how loved ones are coping with their loss. I for one am tired of turning on the news and seeing someone accosted outside their home for a comment. Don’t we know the answer? Caroline and the rest of the Kennedy and Bessette families are devastated; the parents of the children attacked at their pre-school are terrified; and William Shatner doesn’t know how he will go on. Only time can tell how these families will cope. I just hope they are able to grieve outside of the spotlight. Don’t we owe our treasured celebrities this one great courtesy?

Sometimes I wonder how we as adults could have let our world get this far gone. Are we negligent? Or perhaps just lazy? With all the talk about the anniversary of the Watergate scandal and the dropping of the atom bomb, everyone is so quick to point the finger of blame for the direction in which our country has gone. Yet isn’t it ultimately our responsibility as citizens of the world and more importantly these United States to elect leaders who can be trusted to conduct our countries affairs with dignity? I think we have become so desensitized to everything around us that we no longer recognize the mistakes we as people have made along the way. When children shoot one another, we blame their parents; when husbands cheat, we blame their mothers; when loved ones die, we look for what they did wrong. Yes, society can be to blame for the bad things that happen to us, but as members of this society doesn’t that mean it is partly our fault as well? I don’t want to take part of the blame for the recent killing sprees that have filled our newspapers any more than you do, but I must; we must. All of us, throughout our lives have been faced with the opportunity to affect the outcome of each other’s lives. We have failed each other, especially our children. We led them to the place we are today. The answer doesn’t lie in past nostalgia, nor does it lie in disaster preparedness training for us all. The answer lies within us. We can still change the world at least for the people around us. The answer is time. I know we are all busy with the everyday tasks we must accomplish, but who are we working for? Shouldn’t we be working to improve the world for ourselves and our children? Death is inevitable; I will die; you will die. When and how we will die depends partly on us. Isn’t it worth finding the time to share our talents with one another? There is no fountain of youth or eternal spell to keep us here forever, and I for one am glad there isn’t, but a part of us lives on in the lives of those we touch while we are here. Just think, what would your world be like if the person who inspired you the most never enter your life? I don’t even want to imagine what mine would be like.