Random Thoughts

I was at he courthouse marrying my longtime love. My boss and friend Jennifer and her husband, Pete had arranged for us to get married on a Thursday because we really wanted 9/9/99 as our wedding date. It is funny how six years can seem like a lifetime and a few minutes at the same time. Today I am still working on getting it right and she and her husband are picking up the pieces of their life in Biloxi. Nothing I have ever gone through or probably will go through will ever match that test of faith. I am thankful to know she is alive and well and I am thankful to keep getting another chance to get it right. I don’t know if you watched the telethon for the victims of Hurricane Katrina or not, but please consider donating if you haven’t already. People’s lives are depending on us. Some of the evacuees are headed here to Cleveland and we will do everything we can to help them adjust to relocation and try to help them rebuild their lives as I am sure other communities hosting displaced citizens will be doing as well.

On a slightly different note, if you are married or considering getting married, I highly recommend EWTN’s new series “Marriage Works in Christ” hosted by my former pastor and confessor Father James Dean and featuring Greg and Julie Alexander. The show debuted this week and it was great. I look forward to learning a lot more about my faith and how to have a more successful Christ-filled marriage. In case you are wondering, the show airs Sunday nights, Wednesday at 11pm (EST) and Friday mornings at 10:30am (EST). I really want to talk about Father Normandine, but I am not sure it is an appropriate story to share, so I will have to mull it over. What do you think Weezie? Should we let them in on the rest of the story? Shrimp anyone?

Ok, you all know about my obsession with VM, but my original and truest obsession was with The Pretender. Season Two is coming out on DVD this month, so I have to take this opportunity to say, you owe it to yourself to watch this show. It was so awesome. I am still pissed it got cancelled. Stupid NBC!!! Anyway Jarod was my best love if only he wasn’t fictitious!

To follow up on last night’s post, unfortunately, he didn’t make it home for dinner, but I’m sure we will do something together soon. My only complaint is how long it took him to call me. I resisted the urge to eat garlic all day, but I was not having Frosted Mini Wheats again so I headed to Aladdin’s for some real food. I am starting to regret that decision, though. I ate too much and I think I reek! You know what they say, payback is a bitch! At least I don’t chew Skoal. That is disgusting!!! Although I do think it is crap that Gretchen Wilson can’t show it on stage during her song “Skoal Ring”. I might be a “redneck woman”, but I’ll skip the dip and nothing she can do will change my mind. The attorney general needs to get a life. There is nothing remotely cool about snuff.

Well, Emily is safely away at the convent assessing her purpose in life and where she is headed from here. I am at home in time for my anniversary and trying to rekindle my on again off again marriage. Too bad I ended up alone. Taine is out of town on business and it sucks. He was actually very sweet last night. When I got home he had flowers from the garden for me and bacon wrapped filets on the grill. Guess he knows the way to my heart after all. If he had managed to get a bootleg copy of the season premiere of Veronica Mars, I’d be in the hospital right now recovering from shock! All in all, it was a very thoughtful and romantic homecoming. See Taine, I am not always telling only your bad side. And I know it is not your fault you are stuck in that hell hole commonly referred to as Detroit. And so what if I ate Frosted Mini Wheats and microwave popcorn for dinner? Though I really hope you make it home in time for dinner tomorrow if for nothing less than I don’t want to have to type those words again as the contents of my anniversary supper. But if you don’t, I know you will just as pissed as me if not more, AND my present will get even better! Just remember, diamonds are forever…think Kobe…alright can I at least have a new coat from Wal-mart? LOL!!! Not much else to report from here other than my cat is on the loose and missing supper. I am not sure if it is garbage day tomorrow or not because of the holiday. And I found out Raymond Arroyo is having a book signing here next week. My offer to read his new book on Mother Angelica was a big hit at the nursing home. At least I don’t have to go all the way to Buffalo just to get my copy.

BTW Emily is a convert to VM. I feel like a crack dealer or something. I showed her the pilot and then she kept wanting to watch more. I can’t blame her, but I fear I may have sabotaged her retreat. She is already up to episode 6 and asking lots of questions. It is everything I have not to spoil her. She is still not on to LoVe and I plan to keep it that way. And through no prompting of my own, she loves Logan; something about his snarkiness makes him irresistible. We are picking her up on Saturday and I know she isn’t changing her mind about coming back to Cleveland with me no matter what her calling may be. She told me before I left that she had to come back because she had to know what happens on Veronica Mars. That’s my girl. I am tearing up just writing about it. sniff…sniff…I am also brimming with excitement as I have someone else willing to watch all 22 episodes with me. See there is an upside to a huge, convertible family. Dammit Gabby, relent, you will bow to the power of Veronica! (insert whiny voiceover…) please???

One last thing, I saw this online today and it made my day. When one of the most beautiful women in the world gets captured like this…

At least, I know there is still hope for the rest of us!!! And just so you know, the picture came from a photo gallery of her on Access Hollywood via a link on msnbc.com, not some site run by haters with a grudge.

Sorry about being so depressing the other day. It comes in waves. If it makes you feel any better, Weezie, Gabby and I spent all day Saturday laughing so hard we could hardly stand it(pictures to follow)! Who knew Gab made such an excellent third; I can’t wait for her to fully cross over from little kid to adult so we can hang out, drink beer and shoot the breeze any time we want. Who am I kidding? I hate beer and all three of us would probably rather have a Coca Cola Classic anyway. Seriously. So, if I wasn’t getting divorced before, I probably am now as I spent way too much money on this trip, and I started off doing so well. I blame peer pressure and a serious addiction to buying things. “Help me, Dr. Phil, you’re my only hope”! But just so you know, I am gonna look sooo good this winter. The only way I would look better is if I actually stopped stuffing my fat face and did some crunches. As if. I so want to be Kristen Bell and/or Gwen Stefani in my next life. Well, I at least want their bodies. Back to my overspending, Carol is supposed to be my wing man she is supposed to talk me down when my spending gets out of control. Instead she is like “$32 for 2 pairs of pants, you can’t beat that. I am going to come back next week and get some jeans, too” Then my mom did the exact same thing to me today. Now I know where the blame really lies. Are you getting this Taine?

Tomorrow we are having a Labor Day cookout at my sister’s house. I get to spend a little more time with Gab and Jarrod. I cherish it because I know I have so little of of it left and I squandered away so many opportunities in the past. Speaking of which, my nephew, David, joined us for lunch today. I haven’t really talked to him in a while. We were never as close as say Jarrod and I, he was more like my annoying little brother, but he really is a fine young man and I am very proud of all he has accomplished. And no, he probably doesn’t read this, so I am not just sucking up. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see Thomas this time, but I will be back in a week and a half, so I will visit with him then. I am so glad he is doing better. There was a time when that almost didn’t seem possible. If this is going to become an online journal perhaps I should give my poor unsuspecting family members cleverly disguised pseudonyms. Oops, guess I am a little too late on that one as half of them have already been outed in some form already. Better luck next time y’all (I threw that in for a little dose of Southern good measure)!

Before I left Auburn last night, Weezie loaned me a CD of some of Father Michael’s homilies recorded back when he was at Holy Spirit in Montgomery. I plan on making a few more copies for friends. I am grateful to have a few of his profound thoughts on the Gospels preserved for posterity. I also think it is important to share them with others because Michael, Father Michael, had so much to say and unfortunately his time to say it was cut short, but what we have left of him can still teach us something. And I plan to learn and pass on whatever I can. I owe him (and God) that much. I went to the cemetery today. The sun was setting and a few sprigs of grass were breaking through the sheet of red clay filled with ants that now covers the humble remains of his earthly life. It is a peaceful yet empty place, yet somehow I think he hears me better there and is a little glad I came. I’ve never really been big on cemeteries. They are the lonliest places on earth, devoid of souls, just earthly vessels waiting for the end of time. Still it is my way of holding on to what I know I must let go of. My way of controlling what I can not change. My way of reaching out across time and space to say I miss you, I sense you, and I can’t wait until we meet again.

As a confused girl once wrote many years ago, “is there life without feeling, please God, take it away”.

I really feel like no one understands the saddness in my heart. I think perhaps I am better off alone. Yet when I’m alone I am trapped inside myself. I don’t write this as a pity party for myself, but as a way to hopefully understand the workings of my mind and maybe to be of comfort to others who feel like me. There isn’t one person in my life I haven’t doubted loved me, not even my mother. I used to pray that I was adopted, so there was hope I would find a family out there who secretly loved me. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I prayed to die. I was hoping God would do the hard part as I am way too afraid to inflict pain on myself. My siblings say they love me, and some times I believe them, but most of the time they are saying how awful I am. My mother is the master of backhanded compliments, and although she claims she loves me, her words cut me to the core. Even 900 miles away she can set me on my knees with one word. I wonder sometimes if anyone has ever loved me at all. I wonder what people really think of me; what my family says about me behind my back. I could care less about a few of them, namely my brother-in-law, but most of them I would die for (if it was necessary and I didn’t have to break a nail doing it). See, shallow! But do they even care if I am here? Does it matter that I go out of my way to be a part of their lives? Most of them wouldn’t do it for me, so do they think I am crazy for trying? Half the time I can’t tell if they are truly happy to see me or annoyed I showed up again and made them look bad. I am like a running joke, and it gets old. No, I am not getting soft, I can take as much as I dish out. I am not looking for anyone to worship me cause I’m better than them or cause I ran off to live in Ohio. I just want to feel like I belong. And I’ve I never felt that, not even in my own family. I’m sure it is my own fault, but it doesn’t make it any easier or less lonely. How do you fit in when you don’t even know yourself? And for that matter, how do you figure out who you are and where you are going? Talk about mid-life crisis! I guess I do EVERYTHING early! Ok, I’ll stop with the depressing stuff now. There is enough heartache and sorrow in the world without me adding my own personal “tragedy”. That word is used incorrectly more times than ironic. Why, isn’t that ironic? Well…Not so much. I’ll pause for a moment whilst you page through your dictionaries. Everyone up to date? Very well, now off to bed. You have kept me up far too late already and I am headed to Auburn tomorrow for tailgating and fun with Weezie. Jarrod however will be having much more fun in Tuscaloosa as a certain senior was invited there as a guest of Mike Shula! ROLL TIDE! Sorry, Brandon, but you’ll never get a “war eagle” out of me even ON game day IN Auburn. I am a Bama girl all the way.!

As the Gulf Coast slowly tries to recover from tragedy, life goes on here. Gas prices are up and lines are long, but the complaining is down. People are just trying to find a way to help one another. There is a big fundraiser here locally as well as a benefit concert to be televised on NBC. There are a lot of people stranded here because they no longer have homes to return to. We do what we can, but unfortunately we are left feeling mostly helpless. All we can really do is donate and pray. We are headed to EWTN for Life On The Rock tonight. As I mentioned my niece, Sr. Marie Therese, will be on and we are going to be a part of the live audience. I will have all the notes on that hopefully later tonight or tomorrow.

More football tomorrow!!! More of #62!!! I haven’t taken to time to extol the virtues of his good looks. I don’t know if he is a nice person or a troublemaker or the king of England (well, I am pretty sure he’s not the last one), but I don’t really care cuz he makes great eye candy. According to my nephew, I’m not the only “parent” who thinks so. One mom descibed him as looking like Keanu Reeves; I definitely wouldn’t go that far, but I will stare! My niece, Gabby, made fun of me last week when I said he was hot. She said, “Gross, he looks all old like 30”. Don’t think she wasn’t taking a humorous stab at my age, but he does look a lot older than the other boys perhaps it is the facial hair. Maybe that explains why he is parental eye candy. Hey, we girls have to have some reason to go to the game. Kidding, totally kidding…

It is hard to say anything funny or remotely snarky when there is so much devastation going on around you. Thankfully, my family and I were spared personal trauma save for a few minor inconveniences, and I have now accounted for most of my missing friends as well. I am truly blessed, but deeply saddened for all those who lived in the path of the storm particularly those I know in Biloxi and New Orleans. Please pray for all of those affected and donate what you can, if you don’t have extra money, please consider donating time or even blood. Your local Red Cross can use your support as well. Thank you.

Tonight, I sit on the threshold of disaster, bracing for a hurricane just days ago I had no idea would impact me. All the arguing and anger seem misplaced yet still prevalent, and my priorities are oddly skewed as I am more upset about my fingernail breaking than the failure of my marriage. I wasn’t expecting to break a nail although I suppose I should have been. Humor is not lost on me though which I guess is a good thing. My parents have been married 52 years and I’m still not sure I understand why, but in a surprisingly charming moment, my father brought my mother her present. He was so proud of himself, he picked it out, he wrapped it (very poorly, but lovingly); he was chomping at the bit to give it to her. After it turned midnight and he noticed we were still awake he came out in his underwear (as is customary) with a cleverly disguised package and the Alabama Crimson Tide fight song playing. I joked that he was all class coming out in his underwear to which he quipped he would have come out commando, but since I was in town, he put his “drawers” on. Thank God for small favors! Then I snarked back, we all know he has a problem keeping his “drawers” on, thus he and mom have the 8 of us. My parents really are hysterical. They mean well, but they are just off the hook.

It was girl’s night out and my mom, my sister, my niece and I all went to the Montgomery Biscuits game. My brother gave me the tickets and I thought it would be fun to go plus it is my sister’s birthday on Tuesday. All I wanted was a little liquor, girl liquor too, like a pina colada, but all they had was beer and bad strawberry daquiris. The recovering alcoholic in me is relieved, but what the hell kinda girl’s night out is it without fru fru drinks? Besides, I probably would have skipped the $6 ounce and a quarter pour anyway all though my sister was buzzing from it. To each his own. I’m all virgin, can’t you tell. BTW I am not loosing my oceanic virginity anytime soon thanks to the onset of Katrina, but my niece did offer to hook me up to a pool where I can go skinny dipping and it will be WAY cooler than whatever Taine did back in the stone age! Tomorrow night there are fireworks after the game. If the hurricane is not that bad here, I am gonna take my tickets and go back, liquor or not!

I managed to make the 13 and a half hour journey down to Bama in one day. That may not seem like a big deal to some people, but to me it is nothing short of a miracle. I get so sleepy when I am driving long distances, especially when I am alone, but yesterday, I didn’t even get droopy eyed once. By the time I made it to Chattanooga, I had decided to keep going straight through and save myself the cost of the hotel (conveniently funding the cost of my Rob Thomas ticket. Bonus! But it did cost me the opportunity to watch Veronica Mars! Bummer!). The whole drive was strange. Normally, I really look forward to the time by myself. I love to be alone, and I love long drives. Oddly, yesterday I didn’t want to leave. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see my family and do all the things I have planned, but for the first time in a long time, I really just wanted to be home with my husband. It is a strange and wonderful thing to find yourself actually preferring to be home when it seemed like it stopped being your sanctuary months if not years ago. But marriage can be so complicated; everyone tells you it is so “hard”, but they don’t explain what they mean. If people just told you how “hard” or elaborated on the kind of deal you were facing at least you would have realistic expectations. As it stands, “hard” sneaks up on you just when you think things are going great. Sometimes things are “hard” and you don’t even know why. So when you find yourself 6 years into a marriage and 12 years into a relationship and all of the sudden something that had been really “hard” feels easy, you are hesitatant to leave for fear you won’t return to the same place. Alas, I had made my promises, and I intended to fulfill them, so here I am just hoping that easy place is waiting for me back home at least until the next dose of marital “hard” comes along.

As for the promised familial details, I have discovered one interesting tidbit. My niece (Weezie’s little sister) is due to have her baby on September 28th. She had a checkup the other day and when she called to update Carol, they were discussing the inevitability of her labor and what would happen if she actually went into labor on the 28th. Tricia really didn’t see the problem until Carol reminded her that is “Veronica Day”. In normal families that wouldn’t be a big deal, but as I have previously mentioned and you might have guessed, our lives revolve around television. I am glad to have proof it isn’t always me who is the fanatic, apparently it is genetic! Ok, I’m not gonna lie; I would totally watch Veronica Mars even if I had to demand a TV in the delivery room, but I am not lucky enough to be pregnant. Anyway, her baby shower is on Saturday; I’ve got lots of cute things for the baby, but it looks like I should have ordered someone a DVD set instead. Hey every new mom needs a Veronica break. I think it is the perfect time for father daughter bonding!

Speaking of fathers, my dad is so nosy. He is like a little kid always going through my stuff, reading all my papers, looking in my purse. He asks the most insane questions. Like just now, I am watching “Without a Trace” and typing this and he comes out, stares at me for a minute and when I don’t look up, he clears his throat and then asks me if I think he should get a Blue Cross supplement. Then he goes into a nonsensical diatribe about his beliefs on insurance. I have an opinion, but I don’t dare voice it partly because the conversation has already gone on too long, but mostly because he can’t hear me anyway. When I tell him I don’t really have all of the information, but I would be glad to research the pros and cons, he just looks at me and says, “Hey, the Indians are doin alright this year, huh?” Well alrighty then.

Guess what, I just found out they’re bracing for another hurricane. I already weathered one this year, pardon the pun, and I don’t plan on doing it again. Ok, OTS but have you seen that commercial where the woman makes a smoothie in the garbage disposal and gives it to her husband? Yuck! “Tired of waiting for rewards” or not, I am not drinking or serving any garbage disposal concoctions, or switching to a credit card company that gives blenders as a reward! Cash back, baby! It is the only way to go!

If you take Weezie’s word for it, there are a lot of hot guys in Auburn. I haven’t seen them, but I am starting to regret my college choice. Too bad that chapter of my life is already closed, but there is always the football game tomorrow night. A little young for me, I suppose, but I don’t plan on dating ‘em just admiring from afar. Details to follow if there is anything worth reporting.

Ok before I start, I have to go off the subject. I can’t help myself, I have to ask, what the hell is Pat Robertson smoking? Look, whether or not you agree with him and/or think he has a point, the man clearly smokes crack. Assassination is not exactly the most Christian of solutions. Even if he was right, going public with that sort of declaration just makes us all look like religious freaks. Thanks, Pat, this will really help America’s street cred with the rest of the world.

Now on to less weighty subjects, I have a confession to make. I might actually watch “My Name is Earl“. I know, let the tormenting begin. It is like I can’t help myself. I believe there is such a thing as so bad it’s good, and all signs indicate this could be a show that qualifies. I can’t be sure it applies here because I haven’t actually seen an episode, and NBC is circling the toilet these days, but I’m still willing to give it a shot.

Speaking of circling the toilet, last night as we were lying around having our usual late night conversation when we started talking about SNL’s fake commercials. The conversation really started because there are a few actual commercials airing these days that look like they are part of the act. Perhaps these unfortunate corporations should rethink the notion that it is a good idea to run them during shows with their own spoof ads. Anyway, we sat up trying to remember all the ads from years past. I think we decided our favorite was for “Swill”, Lake Erie’s finest in a bottle. That stuff was so disgusting, thick like glycerin and full of sediment (knowing Lake Erie, it was a fine mixture of excrement and trash). Then there was the sickest of all “The Love Toilet”; yeah, that is so never gonna happen-a romantic evening on a two seated crapper. I still like the one for the super absorbency tampon (sorry I can’t remember the fake name) that soaks up the entire swimming pool and leaves a poor kid with his floaties stranded at the bottom. Then there is the great “Colon Blow and New Super Colon Blow”, sick yet hilarious, much like “Cookie Dough Sport” and “Corn Chip Nail Tips”. I laugh just thinking about Tracy Morgan with those Fritos glued to his fingers. Can you imagine the germs on those things if you actually ate ’em? Perhaps I am over thinking it a bit, but it would be incredibly convenient to have a snack for the ride home! Wait, I amend my previous statement I just thought of another even sicker ad, the one with the “Litter Critters”. Those kids eating litter box treats made my skin crawl. Who thinks up this shit? And will he share the good drugs with me?

P. S. My road trip starts tomorrow, but I promise to post all the fascinating familial details as soon as I find a data port…Cheers

Ok, I am pressed for time tonight, but I have to get this down before I leave town. This morning, Taine got up to go to work. He took a shower, shaved and then came out to get dressed. He must have been feeling really cocky (pardon the pun), cuz he quipped at me, “hello, my eyes are up here”. Okely dokely, before I lose all my readers, the joke is, he gets dressed and he is making the weirdest face. I am half asleep, so I cut to the chase and I’m like “what’s wrong with you”? And he’s like “these jeans feel weird” as he is trying to straighten out the pockets. Suddenly his look goes from puzzled to slightly embarrassed and he starts laughing cuz he realized, they’re MY jeans, my tight fitting, lycra added jeans which thankfully he couldn’t zip up. Whew! I almost wish it had been a practical joke so I could get the credit, but it just happened. I laughed so hard I thought I would pee myself thus prompting him to hurl the jeans at me. Come on, that is fucking hysterical; am I actually expected to refrain from laughing? Not possible. I wish I had more time to sit here and laugh about it, but alas, some people have to work tomorrow, so that does it for now. But I do have to give a quick shout out to my best friend Shannon for scoring Rob Thomas tickets for me. I feel the love! This will be the best November EVER!!! Did I mention I have decided Rob Thomas is the best name ever? How can you top the creator of Veronica Mars and the hottest lead singer imaginable? “It can’t be done”. Now if I can just arrange to be back in town for the John Mayer Trio-gotta find a way to make that happen!